forgiveness-paying-for

bouhzeen (sahroueetz) vrah kuhrrheh

This saying is used when one wants to impress on another to forget or give up something. Obviously, if you write on ice, it will eventually melt and be forgotten. “Bouhz” is the Turkish word for ice. The Armenian word is sahroueetz.

Meghkuh kordzetzch garabeduh, doukank kashehtz hairabeduh

Asking for forgiveness and paying a tithe or doing service as amends for a sin are beneficial, but there is no guarantee that the desire for wrongdoing has been removed.

A close friend of mine was married to a very attractive woman and was blessed with two beautiful young daughters. He became involved with another woman and his involvement caused the breakup of his marriage and his financial ruin. He had a nervous breakdown and became dysfunctional. I invited him to live with me so that I could help him get a grip on his life again.

After a month with me he began to feel much better and was able to resume his work. During his recovery I didn’t probe into his relationship with the other woman or even speak much about his problems. When he was better, we began to talk about what happened. During one of our talks I mentioned the name of his girlfriend and remarked how lucky he was to be free of his lusty desires for her. He fell silent and dropped his head slightly and spoke under his breath, “I wouldn’t say that, I am still very attracted to her.”

While saying this, his face seemed to glow with an impish smile that revealed the mischief still present in his heart. I was shocked to see that he was not over his infatuation with this woman even at the expense of losing his wife and family. As devastating as the breakdown of his family life was, he was still strongly attracted to his girlfriend. He gradually regained his composure and apologized to his wife and asked for forgiveness. His wife remained skeptical but encouraged him to see the children and gradually show his good faith.

He chose to maintain a distant relationship with his family while continuing his affair with the girlfriend and eventually moved in with his lover and divorced his wife. Asking for forgiveness and atoning for wrongs is beneficial but not the real solution of the problem. Purifying the root of wrongdoing is much more significant than sinning and atoning. This proverb emphasizes the mechanical process of atoning for sins by paying a tithe or doing some kind of activity of atonement. This might help temporarily, but it will not cure the sick mind.

There is a story that is very instructive for curing a lustful mind. Once a very attractive woman was approached by a lusty man, he fell at her feet and implored her to become his lover. She was appalled by his rash show of lust for her. She decided to instruct this rash fool about the nature of a woman’s beauty. She requested him to come back in one week and she would do his bidding. She explained that a week’s separation would make her so yearn for him that she would be more anxious to please him.

He was so excited by her flirt that he protested that she should please him immediately. She insisted so much that he finally agreed to come back in a week. When he finally left, she decided to collect all her bodily fluids and stools in a bucket. She took different powerful purgatives and gradually was able to fill a large bucket. Because of her continual cleansing, she became thin and gaunt and lost her youthful countenance.

When the day arrived, the impatient man returned with his wildest expectations in mind. The lady sat in a corner of her room with a shawl over her head. When he approached, he fell at her feet and addressed her tenderly, “Dearest, I have come to consummate our love.” Because of her fasting and elimination, her voice had become higher pitched and grizzled like an old woman. From behind her shawl she said, “So you’ve come, you fool.” She laughed like a hoary witch.

The man was shocked. He thought, “This can’t be my soft and tender lover. This person sounds like and old hag.” He asked, “I don’t believe you are the same person, please take away your shawl and show me your face.”

The woman withdrew her shawl. He saw a weakened woman, pale and ghostly. He was shocked. “My God, what has happened to you? Where is your stunning beauty?” The woman said, “I have kept it in the bucket over there. Go and see.”

He was disoriented. As he approached the bucket hastily, he accidentally kicked it and it spilled its precious contents. He was disgusted and shocked. “Woman, how can you say this is your beauty?”

She replied, “Oh foolish man, a woman’s body is just a bag of stool, urine, mucus, blood, bile, and many other nasty things. Now you see my “liquid beauty.”

If we carefully examine our object of desire and and analyze its constituents or what makes it up, then we can gradually overcome its surface attraction and understand its real nature. For example, I might see a very attractive woman and be attracted to her. But if the same woman has be seriously injured by a car accident and her stomach has been cut with her guts hanging out, then my attraction to her disappears and it replaced with fear or horror at the sight.

Similarly, if I look at person’s body as a bag containing certain ingredients and I analyze those ingredients, then my attraction for the external appearance will definitely be compromised by understanding what is inside the bag.